When the Holidays Don’t Feel Merry: Coping with Festive Stress

The festivities are often associated with joy, happiness and laughter – where families get together through social gatherings, memories are captured and bonds are rekindled. But it can also create ‘festive holiday stress’ – the emotional, mental, and physical strain that individuals experience during festive seasons due to increased social, financial, and personal expectations.

Imagine this: it’s the festive season, and you’re surrounded by relatives, food and noise. Everyone expects you to be cheerful, but part of you just wants a breather from the crowd and the small talk. Feeling that way doesn’t make you ungrateful, it just means you are human.

Living in Malaysia means we get to experience a wonderful mix of celebrations such as Deepavali, Christmas, Hari Raya, and Chinese New Year. While these festivities are filled with colour and connection, they can also be emotionally or mentally draining for some. This sense of festive stress can stem from a variety of factors, such as:

Financial stress
When the holidays are nearing and the festivities are just around the corner- it is also a time where our finances may be stretched. Preparing for a family gathering, buying decorations, finding gifts and travelling – all of these require costs. And if we are not mindful of how much we are spending, it can create a lot of stress and tension that can deter our ability to fully enjoy the celebration.
Unrealistic expectations
The expectation to want to be able to do everything, attend every gathering and please everyone can set us up for disappointment, frustration and potentially lead to burnout. Instead of being present and cherishing the moment, we find ourselves just waiting for it to be over.

Family dynamic
While the festive season is often seen as a joyful time, it can also bring underlying family tensions to the surface. Strained relationships or unresolved conflicts may lead to uncomfortable moments and awkward encounters at gatherings. At the same time, these occasions can also provide opportunities to reconnect and heal old wounds.
Travel fatigue
Festive seasons often come with long hours of travel to return home or visit loved ones. Enduring traffic jams, flight delays or unpredictable weather can be stressful, especially when we’re not mentally and physically prepared. When rest is limited during the journey, it can take a toll on our mood and overall enjoyment of the celebration.
Feeling excluded
The festive seasons often highlight connection, family, and belonging, but not everyone feels included. For some, being left out of gatherings, not having close family nearby, or feeling disconnected in group settings can bring loneliness or sadness. Even in a room full of people, it’s possible to feel unseen or out of place.

So, what can we do to overcome the festive stress and how can we better prepare ourselves during this festive season? Here are a few strategies that can help.

Check-in with yourself
Regular emotional check-ins help you manage feelings, spot triggers, and care for your wellbeing before stress builds up.
With the BookDoc app, you can log your mood daily to stay aware of how you’re feeling throughout the festive season. This awareness helps you recognise emotional triggers early and choose strategies that support your balance when things feel overwhelming.
Manage expectations
Unrealistic expectations can easily heighten festive stress. We often hope for everything to go smoothly but at times, reality doesn’t always follow our plans. And that’s okay. Remind yourself that the season isn’t about perfection. Focus on the effort you put in rather than how things turn out. When you let go of the pressure to meet every expectation, you create more space to be present, enjoy small moments, and appreciate what truly matters.
Set healthy boundaries
It’s okay to say no or take breaks when you’re feeling overwhelmed with the number of events and invitations. In setting healthy boundaries, communication is key. It’s okay to gently communicate to your family members that you may need some downtime or cannot attend every event that week. Balancing connection and rest can help you to prioritize what matters.
Plan Your Finances Ahead
Financial worries can add unnecessary pressure during the festive season. Take some time to plan your spending early, list out expected costs like food, decorations, transport, and gifts. Setting a realistic budget helps you see the bigger picture and avoid last-minute strain. By tracking your expenses and planning in advance, you can enjoy the celebrations with greater peace of mind and less stress later on.
Pack for Comfort
For those travelling during the holidays, this can also be a major source of stress. Planning ahead and packing essentials like snacks, water, a pillow, and something to listen to can make the journey easier. You may also want to manage time by travelling during non-peak hours, checking weather and road updates, and staying flexible as some things may be beyond your control.
Focus on Safe and Supportive Connections
Not every social gathering will be pleasant and harmonious. It’s okay for you to limit interactions and focus on spending time with family members that helps you feel safe and supported. That way, it can help to shift your focus on small moments of connection rather than avoiding these social gatherings altogether.

The festive season can bring people together, but it can also take an emotional toll for some. The pressure to celebrate perfectly, please everyone, or always feel joyful can be overwhelming. Instead of striving for perfection or withdrawing completely, try focusing on what truly matters: connection, meaning and presence. Sometimes, it’s the small, genuine moments like a quiet chat, shared laughter, or a few minutes of gratitude that make the season feel special.

References: